The 4 P's of Parenting

My MBA alma mater, Carlson School of Management (CSOM), has a number of things that it's famous for - most of which, I can't remember.  However, being a marketing professional who loves a quick "short cut" to remember important information, I always remember that CSOM is the birthplace of the 4 P's.

In 1960 Edmund Jerome McCarthy, a professor at the mighty Gopher b-school, introduced the 4 P's as the 4 variables the company controls to satisfy a target market.  For business this is the:

Check out this stud, McCarthy

1. Product you offer
2. The Price you charge
3. The Place you distribute it
4. What you do to Promote it

Basically, if you kill it with these 4 "controllable variables", everyone will buy your stuff and you will be infinitely wealthy, or something like that.

So imagine me, a marketer, fully trained and ingrained in the above principles for driving success, having a new little venture - a baby.  Two and a half years ago when I welcomed Marcus into the world, my perspective on everything shifted, like the earth suddenly on a new axis.  All of my worlds collided; the professional, the personal (marriage, friends, hobbies) and the maternal. Basically, I was a hot, emotional, beautiful mama mess.

Now that I am clear headed again (for the most part), after the haze of the first 12 months of sleep deprivation, I've gotten a bit of my humor back. And I've been reflecting on what leads parents to survive and thrive in this new venture of "caretaker".  With that clearheaded (sometimes wine supplemented) reflection, I come up with a humble opinion on a new set of controllable variables.  I introduce to you the 4 P's of Parenthood:

1. Patience with yourself and your newest additions

Here's the thing no one tells you before you have a kid, no one actually knows how to raise a kid.  Each one is a unique little snowflake, what works brilliantly at calming down one child, makes another child lose their proverbial shit.  Given this enlightening piece of information, take a pause and cut yourself some slack.  I guarantee, patience with oneself is inversely related to level of "shit-hit-the-fan" stress at home.

2. Perspective on what is big and what is small in life

For example, BIG = bringing new life into this world, SMALL = not responding to every work email within 24 hours.  I remember before I had Marcus I was compelled to respond to every email that came into my work inbox, even solicitor spam.  Then I began a 36 hour epic labor journey on April 10th, to give birth to Marcus.  The miracle of birth not only introduced me to a beautiful new human, but a new found perspective on what was urgent.  For the first time in my professional career, I took 7 days to respond to work emails and announce to my coworkers that I wasn't responding because I had been busy having a baby.  For the first time, my coworkers' needs (to know my status, get their questions responded to, etc) took a backseat to my personal needs - to be in-the-moment during the most life altering moment of all.

3. Presence in the day to day moments that quickly flutter into the past

I remember when Todd and I took our premarital counseling classes through our church back in 2006, one of the priests talked about the behavioral and personality differences between men and women.  One analogy that he shared has stuck with me all this time.  The dresser.  This man of the cloth went on to explain that men are innately predisposed to being incredibly effective at compartmentalizing their lives, each fraction of their life being neatly folded (or scrunched up and crammed) into its respective drawer.  Meanwhile, women totally suck at this.  This explained why I could not help but snap at Todd's inability to be telepathically aware of what I craved for dinner, when I had a super shitty day at work.  

Well guess what I found to happen when I had my son?  Suddenly, I created my own dresser (perhaps a bit fancier, like this mirrored Pottery Barn style I am ogling for my bedroom). 

 Out of sheer necessity, I found that my life could not be lived with everything bleeding into each other like a complex watercolor painting.  The only thing that would allow me to give the most of myself (at work or at home) was instilling clear cut boundaries, my life became a little less Van Gogh and a little more Lichtenstein.

 

Through this new order, I was able to give myself permission to be present in each moment (or at least strive to be).  When I was at work, I was 100% committed (unless daycare called with pink eye or some other communicable disease scare).  And when I was at home, I did not let myself worry about complicated work dilemmas (at least not until I started the second shift - when Marcus went to bed). 

It may not work for all, but it was the only thing that worked for me.  Strive to fully feel each moment.

4. Potty Humor to laugh at the grossness of being a parent (dealt with out of selfless love) that bonds all parents together

I'm sorry, but kids are hilarious and being a parent is usually pretty disgusting.  I never could have imagined how close I would get to bodily fluids on a consistent daily basis.  So unless you are a nurse, and are used to this level "exposure", let yourself giggle.  When your son pees on your face, or your daughter blows out diaper lovingly while nestled in your arms, see past the excrement, to the underlying humor of it all.

Hopefully these 4 P's, which again are CONTROLLABLE (that's the point), will help grant you some peace and even squeeze a little daily joy into your role as a parent.

Please share any other "Ps of Parenting" that you've found success with as a parent.